New Year @ Infidelity Help Group 2017


Happy New Year

When your life has exploded because of an affair, the chirpy ‘Happy New Year’ season can leave you cycling between upset and sobbing, vicious snarling and voodoo dolls, and fervent hopes that your new year will indeed be happy.

If you’ve been through it, you will understand exactly what I mean.

I do wish you a very Happy New Year, but I know that is in your hands, not in my well wishes. Happy doesn’t turn up on a wish or a promise - it’s the result of your own work and your own actions and your own thinking. If you want a change in 2017 there are things YOU have to do in order to make that happen.

So while I send you my best wishes for 2017, more importantly I hope you give yourself these gifts:

  • Clear thinking and a logical, reasoned approach to resolving the challenges you face.
  • Firm boundaries and a rejection of codependent thinking and behavior.
  • Valuing yourself highly and exercising your own agency in life.
  • Forging relationships with honest, respectful, and ethical people, and rejecting personal relationships with those who are not those things.
  • The strength and determination to let go of what is unhealthy and dysfunctional, despite your emotional attachments and entanglements.
  • A plan for your future that takes you to a life that is free from mistreatment, isolation, and enduring harm in your relationship.
  • Security, safety, and inner peace.
  • Finding your ‘Life’s Fun’ button, and pressing it repeatedly.

I wish you all of these things, and more.

2017 could be your year - if you choose to make it so.

(This article was originally published 31 December 2015 - updated for 2017.)


“I'm not a teacher, only a fellow traveler of whom you asked the way. I pointed ahead - ahead of myself as well as you.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

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