I found an article from The Ranch called Lost Your Enthusiasm for Recovery? It’s not about infidelity, marriage, or any of the subject matter that typically links to those issues. However, whilst written as a support for recovering addicts, it could also have been written for those whose worlds have just exploded as a result of the infidelity of their partner.
Often, the response to the discovery of infidelity is to focus entirely on the cheating partner and the affair partner. It’s incredibly easy to get sucked into a vortex of obsession, self-neglect and shame. Friends, family members and coworkers often start to ask you what’s wrong, why you’re losing weight - it’s difficult to hide pallor, poor performance at work, listlessness, distraction, and tears. Sometimes it can feel ‘right’ to immerse yourself in the agony and drama of it all, and feed all the upset and sadness with a constant supply of angst and pain and self-pity.
The problem with feeding the Infidelity Monster is that the bigger it grows, the smaller you get. You lose so much when an affair hits your relationship that often it seems that there isn’t much left to hold onto. Everything else has gone, so sure, why not, let me just toss the remaining part of myself into the abyss too … that will show them!
Ummhmm.
It’s incredibly important to prioritize yourself above the mess your spouse/partner just threw themselves into. Yes, you may feel discarded and useless, but their actions are not the true measure of who you are. They may well have tossed your relationship down the toilet, but do you really have to be a willing participant in getting your head flushed too? The Infidelity Monster is really rather pathetic and pitiable - and certainly not worth taking a Swirly for!!
The article from The Ranch, whilst written for addicts, has good strategies that we too can employ to drag our heads out of the bowl. It’s time to start focusing on ways to rediscover your own power in your own life, to regain some self-esteem, and to be an active participant in your own story. It’s time to be more than just someone pressing their nose against the window, watching your partner’s affair and giving it top priority in your life by your constant observation and ‘analysis’ of it.
I linked this post because I considered that where it states ‘substance abuse’ or ‘drug addiction’, really, you should read ‘affair obsession’. The rest of the ‘intervention/addict’ references … well, you can figure those out yourself, I am sure.
So - grab a hair-dryer, and get busy.
