You might well be groaning at the idea of a post about celebrity cheaters or their faithful celebrity partners. You might even be rolling your eyes at yet another account of some tawdry affair in the public eye or yet ANOTHER spurious claim of sex addiction. I understand.
You’d be right if you’re thinking that these stories have had sufficient airtime and have already been picked apart in great depth by pontificating’experts’. Really, we aren’t suddenly trying to compete with Perez Hilton but, for a faithful spouse, there can be something to be learn from celebrity affairs.
Affairs Suffered in Secret?
Infidelity can be an incredibly isolating experience for the faithful spouse. They suffer the loss of their best friend/companion, and friends/family often take sides. This can lop quite a few branches off the faithful partner’s support system.
Affairs are still behind closed doors for many. Exposure can be embarrassing, it can affect people’s views of both the cheater and the spouse, and it can have a detrimental affect on reputation, employment, and other opportunities. As a result, most handle an affair in isolation and that is why infidelity support boards become a lifeline for so many.
However isolated you feel though, if infidelity affects approximately 40% of all marriages then you’re likely surrounded by people in your life who have gone through the same issue.
It’s easy to buy into the modern beliefs that others are responsible for your satisfaction, that others are there to meet your ‘needs‘, and that happiness is a basic right which can be legitimately and selfishly pursued, ethics aside.
Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness
Our societal structure supports our right to create the life we want for ourselves, and to work towards our dreams and desires – in fact, we are positively encouraged to pursue our happiness. Unfortunately, our single-minded pursuit of our own satisfaction often comes at a price – we sometimes make choices that hurt others. In our free society we are privileged to be able to behave improperly if we choose.
This world view seeds the entitlement that is the very foundation of cheating (and of being a cheater’s little side-piece ).
Yup, I am willing to bet that if you’ve been cheated on you’ve done the, ‘If only I were <insert self-doubt>‘ thing in your own private game of I-Got-Played Roulette.
Let’s take a spin: “I wouldn’t have got played if I were …“
Or … I wouldn’t have got played if I were less married to a cheater, maybe?
The list of manufactured ‘reasons’ for their affair could go on ad nauseum and it’s truly a sucky game that you can’t win, because you’re the only person with stakes in the game. It is a common response for the faithful partner to turn blame and fault on themselves when they first discover an affair.
Your Faults Drove Them to an Affair
Cheaters love to press gang their spouse into blaming themselves for the affair, often providing ideas for the I-got-Played Roulette wheel.
So let’s look at how affairs are all about what you‘re not by taking a quick look at some people who, most would agree, are rich, successful and attractive:
- Sandra Bullock
- Katy Perry
- Guy Ritchie
- Maria Schriver
- Jennifer Aniston
- Robert Pattison
- Khloe Kardashian
- Sienna Miller
- Eva Longoria
- Dennis Quaid
- Reese Witherspoon
- Halle Berry
- Norman Cook (DJ Fatboy Slim)
What do all of these people have in common? (I know, it wasn’t subtle was it? )
From our perspective, these celebrities have it all - they are role models and many aspire to be more like them. But clearly their attractiveness, money, power, and success didn’t save them from infidelity either.
Did you really get cheated on because you’re weren’t rich enough? Not skinny enough? Not alpha enough? Not witty enough? Not … enough? Really?
The faithful partner doesn’t cause infidelity. They don’t cause it, drive someone to it, or deserve it. The choice to cheat is not a mistake, it’s not because you failed to meet their needs, and it’s not because you didn’t look like Halle Berry or Guy Ritchie.
CHEATERS cause infidelity and their choice to cheat is about what THEY are not, not what YOU are not. Cheaters are not honest, they’re not respectful, they’re not honorable, and they’re not ethical.
You could go on all the diets, and have all the money, penile implants, and boob jobs in the world - it won’t change who your cheater is at all. And without that change, a cheater will cheat regardless of what you are or are not.