Drunken One Night Stand?
“A man’s true character comes out when he’s drunk.”
― Charles Chaplin
Joe woke up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party and had no recollection of getting himself to bed.
As bad as he was feeling, he could only guess how drunk he must have been. He groaned inwardly at the thought of the scolding he would probably get from his wife for his ‘crimes’ of the evening.
Joe forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a couple of aspirin next to a glass of water on the bedside table. Placed beside the glass was a single red rose.
Joe sat up and surveyed the room, expecting to see a mess of his clothes on the floor. Instead he saw his clothing neatly laid out for him, clean and pressed. He looked around the room and saw that it was in perfect order and recently cleaned.
He took the aspirin and stumbled to the bathroom. He cringed when he saw his black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
He noticed a note hanging from the corner of the mirror, written in red with little hearts on it and a lipstick kiss from his wife. “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, Darling!”
Confused and groggy, he made his way to the kitchen, noting how clean and tidy the house was. Sure enough, in the kitchen there was hot breakfast ready on the stove, freshly brewed coffee, and the morning newspaper.
Joe sat at the table with his son, who was eying him with amusement as he ate his breakfast. Puzzled by it all, Joe asked, “Son, what happened last night?”
He son paused and then explained, “Well … last night you crashed through the door as you got home at 3am, drunk out of your mind. You shhhhhhhh’d the coat stand and introduced yourself to the cat. You knocked over the plant, giggled and loudly apologized to it. You somehow managed to fall over the coffee table, breaking it, and then you puked repeatedly in the hallway. You got the black eye when you smashed into your bedroom door.”
Perplexed, Joe asked, “Your mother must be furious with me, and yet everything is spotless, cleaned up, and I have a rose, and breakfast waiting for me?”
His son replied, “Oh THAT!… Well, Mom wrestled you into the bedroom to put you to bed, but when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone bitch, I’m married!‘”
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A moment of levity (albeit an old one) in the mess of infidelity.
~ Wayfarer
