Affairs cause damage in many forms beyond the commonly understood ones of rejection and betrayal. Manipulation and abuse are the cornerstone behaviors in affair-mode thinking, and these “Deadly Sins” are frequently the topic of discussion within infidelity forums. Affair & Infidelity Help Forums Support forums can be a valuable resource...
Reconciling in an Unhealthy Relationship
Acting in Panic All too often there is a knee-jerk reaction on discovery of infidelity that is founded in fear, panic, anger and possessiveness and faithful spouses can immediately act to try to save the relationship. Before rushing into a reconciliation after an affair, pause and consider the relationship you...
Martyr to the Marriage
Being committed to a healthy, respectful, and fulfilling marriage is an admirable trait, but what happens after an affair hits the relationship? Committed relationships aren’t perfect relationships, and most of us would agree that even where relationships are robust and honest they are still flawed in unique ways. Part of...
Affair Help: Do Affairs Save Marriages?
There are many articles that are similar to yesterday’s post Affairs Can Save a Marriage: Myth or Mendacity? that are extolling the virtues of having an affair and its positive effect on a relationship. Providing some balance of reality, in the face of the deluge of articles all ready to...
Standing: Shackling Yourself to Your Cheater
Standing Yesterday’s article gave four typical outcomes to the discovery of an affair. Dr Banschick explored each partner choosing to leave the relationship unilaterally, an amicable split, or reconciliation. However, the list seemed to exclude one particular outcome - the fifth option of ‘Standing’ (aka permanently shackling yourself to a...
Don’t Be A Sheeple - Infidelity Myths
Myths of Infidelity Source: PsychologyToday The people who are running from bed to bed creating disasters for themselves and everyone else don’t seem to know what they are doing. They just don’t get it. But why should they? There is a mythology about infidelity that shows up in the popular...
Reconciliation: Healing From an Affair
One of the big questions a faithful spouse often asks after an affair is how to move their relationship forward after their partner has cheated. There is a myriad of information available to help answer this common question that might contain some (or all) of the following advice: Forgive the...
Accepting Their Right to Cheat
Surviving the Affair: Accepting Their Right to Cheat Before you reach for the smelling salts, no, infidelity is not an ethical or just choice. Yes, it’s unfair that someone else’s choices have a negative and destructive impact on us. Causing someone else pain by our own selfish choices is reprehensible....
Affair Help: The Business of Controversy
Infidelity is a growing and profitable business, predicted to continue on its upward trend. In direct response to the continued growth in the number of available ‘clientele’, there are many ‘experts’ rushing to the trough to gorge themselves on ‘affair commerce’ in their own particular style. The Business of Affairs...
Affair Help: The Cheater Code
The Members of Affair Website Present … The 10 Commandments of Being a Good Affair Partner It’s not well known, but there is a code of sorts when it comes to those who are indulging in extramarital affairs. Whatever reason that people cheat, it is thought that perhaps they are...
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Challenging traditional and popular views and myths about infidelity.
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The Cheater Script I’m going to go make a little wager here. I am willing to bet that when you found out about the affair, you had a conversation (or screaming match) with your cheater that had some similarity to this little scenario: “Why an affair? Why that?” “I … Continue reading
Strategic Planning It’s been a little while since you discovered your partner’s affair, and, against all the odds it turned out that infidelity wasn’t fatal after all. Who knew? You’ve done all the right things so far - you’ve registered at every infidelity support forum you can find. You’ve read … Continue reading
“I sensed he may have occasionally strayed in some of his past relationships. It was something I felt but ignored, a rent in the fabric of an otherwise splendid garment I thought I could mend. I thought I could live with it—I thought, yes and I admit it, that I would be different. That at the very least, middle age and children would slow him down; however, they seemed to accelerate his pace.” ~ Suzanne Finnamore, Split: A Memoir of Divorce
The Infidelity Black Hole Your partner’s affair can become an all-encompassing black hole of pain and upset that consumes every available ounce of your time and energy. It taints every thought, interaction, and activity and keeps you exhausted, but unable to get a moment’s relief from it all. Focusing on … Continue reading
“You can’t own a human being. You can’t lose what you don’t own. Suppose you did own him. Could you really love somebody who was absolutely nobody without you? You really want somebody like that? Somebody who falls apart when you walk out the door? You don’t, do you? And neither does he. You’re turning over your whole life to him. Your whole life, girl. And if it means so little to you that you can just give it away, hand it to him, then why should it mean any more to him? He can’t value you more than you value yourself.” ~ Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon
“If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either wait for him or forget him. ~ Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept
The Infidelity Super Villain Ever wondered how Clark Kent got away with ‘hiding’ his real identity by combing his hair differently, and wearing some glasses? Or how nobody seemed to notice that beneath that innocuous trench coat, lurked The Thing? Affairs are often thinly disguised as only ‘being about sex’. … Continue reading
“Doing nothing accomplishes nothing, gains nothing, changes nothing, and wins nothing. You have to make a move.”
“I sensed he may have occasionally strayed in some of his past relationships. It was something I felt but ignored, a rent in the fabric of an otherwise splendid garment I thought I could mend. I thought I could live with it—I thought, yes and I admit it, that I would be different. That at the very least, middle age and children would slow him down; however, they seemed to accelerate his pace.”
“You can’t own a human being. You can’t lose what you don’t own. Suppose you did own him. Could you really love somebody who was absolutely nobody without you? You really want somebody like that? Somebody who falls apart when you walk out the door? You don’t, do you? And neither does he. You’re turning over your whole life to him. Your whole life, girl. And if it means so little to you that you can just give it away, hand it to him, then why should it mean any more to him? He can’t value you more than you value yourself.”
“If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either wait for him or forget him.
